"I don't like you"

Dylan,

You told me today that you don't like me.

My reaction was to dissuade you from using that statement as a tool, especially with your peers, so I told you it was a mean thing to say to someone.

What I wish I had done, with the benefit of some reflection, is to show you how it made me feel, or more to point, would have made me feel had I taken you at your word.

You see, later in the evening while we were getting ready for dinner you told me that Marieke (a girl at school) told you today that she didn't like you. In a moment of mild frustration, (I think) you tried out the same line on me to see what effect is would/should have. And what I did was to tell you it was 'bad', but not show you why. I inadvertently sent a dichotomized message that on one hand you need to be careful what you say, while on the other hand I can unilaterally void your words of meaning and simply blow them off as empty rhetoric. That's the kind of thing that'll make a kid wonder why they can't call someone an idiot if they're not going to a)believe it's true, or b)believe I really mean it?

I missed a teachable moment there.


Dad